Albert AlcaineThrough Toxic People we discover ten types of people who, far from bringing healthy relationships, are best kept away from us.
Stamateas introduces us, firstly, to the finger-pointer or blamer: guilt is one of the most negative feelings that human beings can have, and it is also one of the most used ways to manipulate others. Guilt paralyses us, it is revenge, anger and boycott against oneself.
Guilt is the difference between what I did and what I should have done, between what I want and what I should do.
This type of person will make you feel that you are not worthy of benefits, they will ask you to explain everything, “you can’t, you will never be good enough to achieve a goal“. We waste more hours trying to please and please others than taking care of our own lives. It is other people’s guilt that generates continuous dissatisfaction.
If you have made a mistake, ask for forgiveness, you deserve to be happy and don’t want to change anyone: only those who decide to change can change.
We also find the envious. Envy is an emotion that not only implies longing for what the other person has, but also places you in a plan of continuous dissatisfaction and permanent complaint, emotions that slowly destroy us.
Envy is a destructive feeling of someone pretending to take what you have conquered.
When they tell you “what I say to you is not to criticise you” or “I say it to you, but not to hurt you” it is because they want to eliminate you. When your affection and your “self” are sure of their capacities and abilities, when you have determined that nothing will move you from your goal, nothing else will arouse envy.
Envy has no sex, it lives in murmuring, whispering…. It transforms us into beings intolerant of the success of others. If you look at someone’s success, look also at their sacrifice, constancy and the price they pay for work, effort and improving themselves a little more every day. Don’t envy: Admire! Don’t look at the end of the process, but at the process itself.
Value the fact that you have yourself, don’t expect anything from anyone, break your limits, fight only for what is worthwhile, take time to rest, seek advice from wise people and show love and tenderness to the one you love.
The disqualifier would say things like “what a job well done! Too bad you turned it in late!“. Many people waste their time trying to disqualify everyone around them: it aims to control our self-esteem, to make us feel small, bad in front of others so that in this way they can shine and be the centre of the universe.
Disqualifiers have a double speciality: they deify you today and tomorrow they knock you off your pedestal instantly, thus destabilising you and robbing you of your dreams. The idea is that you live in mistrust, find yourself insecure and dependent on their words and opinions.
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You will identify them because they play the role of a friend, a companion, pretend to be interested in what you do, are ironic and sarcastic and will live by analysing you with a magnifying glass to see your flaws in detail to use them to their advantage. He will take time to know how you are, little by little he will find a way to please your needs, to offer you peace so that once you give him all your trust, it will be your words and decisions that will have power and weight over your life. Then you will doubt your abilities.
Don’t contradict him, don’t confront him in public and take advantage of it: don’t be his friend, just get closer so he doesn’t hurt you. Look at him and smile: in this way you take control of the situation in a simple way. It is not easy, but it is possible, of course!
The verbally aggressive person is a difficult, complicated person…. They have a favourite word: “no“. They are biting, intimidating and offensive. Furthermore, they exercise their power through shouting, verbal incontinence, verbal abuse and continuous belittling of people. He will make you feel worthless, incapable, weak and insecure.
The goal of the verbal aggressor will be to confuse us, to pass off the normal as abnormal and vice versa.
Remember that a verbally violent person will always be on the defensive, they know that they are not a loved or accepted person, so they will try to show their anger and resentment by drawing attention to themselves in anger, and will try everything possible to make you part of the argument.
They will say: “Nobody tells me what to do, I have my own vision“. They will try to make you feel that you are part of the war they have started and endeavour to bring you onto their battlefield.
When you are attacked, answer something incoherent and don’t give value to the aggression: “You are badly dressed!” and you reply: “As my godmother used to say, the jug goes so far to the fountain that in the end it breaks“, and if he replies with “What do you mean?“, you reply “You’ll understand, think about it“. If he says, “I’m fed up with your ineptitude”, you reply “Water you shouldn’t drink, let it flow, as my father used to say“.
If you take offence, you move away from your goals. If you concentrate on emotions and others, you will lose sight of your goal. Be indifferent, as if it doesn’t exist. Don’t make any decisions under pressure, sadness or anger: think and then act.
The curtain rises: fiction or reality? At some point in life, we all wear a mask, sometimes we prefer to wear masks, to pretend and not show ourselves as we are. The fake uses it permanently.
There are masks of power, of superiority and of victims.
Be careful because masks end up sticking to the skin, and when this happens we need them more and more. But really they only serve to convince others of what you are not.
The word “security” means “without worry”, and as Douglas MacArthur said, “there is no security in that land, only opportunity“.
The psychopath often says, “Nobody tells me what to do“. They are not only a con man, a serial killer…. They are experts at lying and deception and aim to betray you and ruin your life.
Psychopaths, at first glance, are not antisocial, but are like a chameleon in their ability to change their appearance and adapt to the one that is most advantageous to them.
The mind of a psychopath feels no guilt or anguish for anything: they lie, cheat, steal and feel absolutely nothing for the pain caused. They will constantly show a false image and try to make you believe that they are interested in what they are not really interested in.
These are people who don’t love anyone. When someone only wants power, they are probably a psychopath. They are always offended by everything. Whoever speaks ill of another person will speak ill of you. They wear masks of spirituality and religiosity, they are resentful and bitter.
They act by entering your circle, they will stay and live with you, they will try to influence your moods and emotions and, when you are aware of their movements and interested in their opinions, you will welcome them. To get a psychopath off your back, use indifference, which does not mean ignoring them.
We also find the gossiper: “I’m telling you because I have it from a good source“. Rumours are alive because people believe them, and every rumour has its market.
We find stealthy rumours (they are picked up slowly), impetuous rumours (they spread like wildfire) and “submersible” rumours (they appear and are quickly extinguished). The voyeur does not tolerate silence, which is why it is important to talk about any subject.
The rumour tends to become shorter and shorter, details disappear and are reduced in length. Certain details are emphasised and others are left out; in every rumour there is exaggeration. And small details are added to give the story greater consistency and veracity.
We should not believe what we are told or continue to comment on it as long as it is not the original or official source that transmits it to us. Avoid idleness.
The neurotic reflects that “If you don’t like the way I am, change yourselves“. They manifest the need to be liked and accepted (they will always attract attention), the need for recognition (they will seek to please everyone who approaches them), for power and leadership, for independence (they hardly listen to anyone’s advice) and for perfection.
Neurotics are perfectionists, conflictual, aggressive, guilt-ridden, inhibited, intelligent, extreme, selfish, childish, and above all else: gamblers.
They are rigid, seemingly innocent, selfish and resistant to change. They invade, control, agglutinate and permanently suffocate the other.
And what can we say about manipulative people? One thing is wrong, and the other is deception.
Manipulators study people looking for their weakness, first they will come with seductive words of recognition, but slowly they will introduce disqualification, shouting or insults and the more feelings of guilt and shame you feel, the more power they will have over you.
He uses two techniques: moral intimidation (when he calls you names or insults you, when he attacks you alone or in a group) and verbal abuse (with threats, defamation, destroying your reputation, isolating you from people, spreading rumours about you…).
Manipulation targets two areas: doing (disqualifying, questioning and demeaning everything you do to break your self-esteem through constant criticism) and being (devaluing your motivation, filling you with guilt and discomfort and slowly distancing you from those you love and those who want to help you).
Manipulators feel big and powerful, they have a double life (they say one thing and do another, they are seductive, kind, elegant, nice…. But it’s all just a façade), they carry heavy burdens (because pretending is crucial), they are envious and unproductive (their actions do not bear fruit).
Stay away from those who come to drink, don’t isolate yourself, avoid angry reactions, choose dignity over kindness, avoid justifying the actions of others, don’t let them rush you. Remember that when we know our weaknesses, they become our strengths.
And finally, the proud one: “What would you do without me?“. He is overconfident in himself, in what he says, what he does, in the decisions he makes: everything he does is perfect, he is perfect, he is God and what he does is right and no one can contradict him.
Overconfidence gives no room for improvement and one stagnates.
There are three types of overconfidence: overconfidence in self-esteem (“If I’m not there, it won’t work“, feeling indispensable), overconfidence in one’s own capacity (we don’t accept suggestions or new ideas) and overconfidence in one’s own way of thinking.
📎 Alcaine, A. [Albert]. (2024, 27 September). Toxic people. PsicoPop. https://www.psicopop.top/en/toxic-people/
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