Albert AlcaineWe show empathy when we are able to understand the emotions and points of view of others. This value is the basis of all relationships: the ability to understand emotionally what others experience and to understand things from their point of view.
To see a person suffer after they have lost someone they love, or their pet… Imagining yourself in their situation and feeling what they are going through is a basic value of any relationship.
An empathetic person is one who can put themselves in the other person’s shoes, feel as they do and think with their heart, even if they don’t agree with their decisions or actions.
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When we are empathetic, an atmosphere of trust and openness is created, where there are no limitations to express ourselves or fears of being judged. Beyond sympathy, the action of understanding someone without criticising or judging is fundamental.
By being empathetic, we contribute to a more humane society.
The more empathetic a person is, the less likely they are to resort to violence to resolve conflicts . This idea applies to everyday life, where empathy is often set aside in favour of competitiveness or indifference in the face of heart-rending situations such as migration, bereavement, poverty or discrimination.
When we empathise, we are more sensitive to what the other needs, and this value enables the sharing of experiences, needs and desires between individuals, providing an emotional bridge that encourages prosocial behaviour .
Here are some examples of empathy, which are meant to be just a superficial brushstroke, a glimpse of some examples that are easy to apply in our daily lives to learn this value . Practice it to foster healthier relationships, promote peace and build a more humane and just society.
Understanding who has had a loss
Offering your company to someone who has had a loss, whether it is to have a coffee, go shopping, or simply listen, is a way of offering empathy, providing a safe space in which to accompany their grief.
Phrases such as “I’m sorry for your loss“,“I‘m sorry for your loss“, “I know it’s a difficult time“, “I’m here to help you with whatever you need“, are examples of empathetic phrases.
☝🏻 Compassion involves feeling the suffering of others and acting to alleviate it. Empathy, on the other hand, requires understanding and connecting with the emotions and experiences of others without the need to act.
Acknowledging the feelings of others when we are arguing
Reddened in the middle of an argument, you realise that what you have just said has hurt your partner. You take a breath and say: “I’m sorry if what I said hurt you, I didn’t mean to. I want to understand better how you feel, so I can support you”.
This helps not only to calm the situation, but also to open a space for mutual understanding. When we show empathy, we make it clear that we value each other’s feelings and are open to working together to resolve whatever the conflict is.
Trading envy for celebration
The gesture of celebrating something good about someone close to you not only celebrates the success of the other person, but also strengthens the bond and shared happiness in the relationship.
Whether it’s a partner you’ve promoted at work, or an award you’ve given to a friend? Hug instead of being envious! “I’m so proud of you, I know how hard you’ve worked for it, and I’m so happy to see you achieve your goals“.
Show humanity and calmness towards what we cannot control.
It’s about humanising: imagine you have a meeting with someone you don’t know very well and minutes before they call you and say they have had a family emergency and won’t be able to come. When you hear their distressed voice, you remain calm and respond: “I’m sorry to hear about the emergency. I understand that these situations are unpredictable and stressful. Don’t worry, would it be okay if we rescheduled the meeting for another day that works for you?”
This example is a simple and graphic way of how we can, day by day, be more human.
Validate the other person’s feelings when they complain.
Dealing with people is becoming increasingly burdensome, and it is easy to respond defensively. Instead, if we adopt a calm tone, act empathetically with the other person, validating their feelings with “I apologize for the negative experience” or “I’m sorry it was bad for you and I understand your discomfort” we will see how we deflate the other person’s tension and feel better for having acted in a more relaxed and empathetic way.
Practising active listening in sad moments
The 
active listening would take us to talk for quite some time. Broadly speaking, it is more than just perceiving and listening to the vibrations of the sounds a person makes, it is also letting them know that you have heard them and that you understand them.
If you find yourself in a situation where a friend has broken up with their partner, instead of saying “there are more fish in the sea” you can send a “I’m sorry you are going through this, it must be very painful, and I’m here to hear how you feel“. Not only will we validate their feelings, but we offer support – and “active” ears – at a difficult time.
Addressing addiction without judgement or disapproval
Making judgements is quick, simple and easy. Far from being empathetic, it is also problematic in other ways. The problem is not being aware of it.
Instead of judging or showing disapproval, for example, when a friend tells you that they have a problem with alcohol, drugs or gambling, you can be empathetic by saying “thank you for trusting me and sharing, it was very hard for you to talk about it. I’m here to support you with whatever you need, you’re not alone“.
Offer to help them with whatever they need, your attitude will give them the hope and drive they need to cope with addiction.
Handle tantrums with understanding
If your child throws a tantrum and exposes you publicly, instead of shouting or scolding in public, you can get down on their level, look into their eyes, and calmly say: “I understand that you want this, that you feel sad because we can’t buy it. I know it’s challenging to accept, but let’s put it on the birthday wish list. Tell me, what other things do you like to remember later?”.
Notice that we acknowledge the feelings and give them a positive alternative, helping to manage their frustration in a constructive way.
Accompanying health problems
Phrases such as “it’s OK” or “it could be worse” are unhelpful and unempathetic. Accompanying someone close to you to the doctor after bad news is empathetic. “We’ll get through it together“, “If you need to talk or want company, count on me” are important and powerful phrases. You need to know that you are not alone in your worries, and it will give you peace of mind.
Being part of his support network and helping him to remain optimistic will also help to improve his health.
Support after an academic failure
Whether it is a school or university exam or a bad result in a competitive examination, it is not a pleasant situation. Imagine that you have also achieved a splendid result.
In these cases, it is important to remember what it feels like to fail. Don’t minimise their experience or lie about your own results. Make physical contact and say something like “you had a big breakfast and I understand the disappointment you feel….. Don’t give up! I’m sure you’ll do great next time. I offer to explain the issues you don’t understand, and to help you with whatever you need“.
💡 Not all of us have the same skills, what may be easy for you may be difficult for others. Never withhold your knowledge from those who need it.
Let’s recognise the value of a senior citizen.
Giving company, recognition and schooling to older people is a way of being empathetic. Older people have much to give and much to contribute.
📎 Alcaine, A. [Albert]. (2024, 05 September). Understanding empathy. PsicoPop. https://www.psicopop.top/en/understanding-empathy/
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