What are Swingers?

More than half of Generation Z are willing to consider a non-monogamous relationship, but liberal relationships and swinging are not just for zetas . 41.4% of Spaniards agree to have sex outside a couple . There is a growing curiosity to explore open relationships and to leave behind the traditional monogamous couple style, which for many no longer works.

Non-monogamous relationships encompass a wide variety of relationship styles and behaviours, ranging from closed polyamory to “don’t ask, don’t tell” arrangements. Also swinging.

The swinger or swinging lifestyle is encompassed in what we know as ethical non-monogamous relationships: there is a non-exclusivity pact, in this case, sexual. They are a type of liberal relationship that is characterised by exchanging partners without going any further, i.e. without emotional ties.

In the 1940s there were already “key clubs“, which in the 1950s came to be called “wife-swapping“, with a heterosexual connotation. Today, the swinger world is considered more a social group with its own culture and flag than a movement or type of relationship. It is an alternative lifestyle that integrates the idea that sexual attraction is part of human behaviour and is not repressed.

Swinging can be confused with open and polyamorous relationships, but while they all fall under the umbrella of non-monogamy, they are not the same:

• Polyamory: different loving and sexual relationships.
• Open relationship: monogamous, romantically speaking (one loving partner) and different sexual partners.
• Swingers: monogamous, romantically speaking (one loving partner) and different sexual partners with whom they will explore at the same time.

There are different types of swinger encounters, although we would mainly highlight two:

• Soft swap, which includes looking, touching or oral sex.
• Full swap, which refers to sexual relations with penetration, vaginal or anal.

☝🏻 What defines swinging is the openness and honesty that couples have when they have sex with each other because everything they do, they do together . No one has a relationship with another person on the sly or separately. Normally, relationships take place in the same place (the same facilities) and at the same time.

How to start?

Let’s look at some basic rules :

• Always consensual: being liberal is not a necessity for the relationship, but can be the icing on the cake that adds spice to sex. It can be an opportunity to explore sexually, but it’s not a concession you have to make if you don’t really feel like it or feel comfortable. Nor can you feel obliged, and you can explore as far as you want to.
• Rules are discussed before: whatever kind of relationship it is, communication is essential, and setting boundaries before practices is essential. If there is something you don’t want to happen, talk about it. It is also important to talk about it afterwards, to discuss what has made us feel comfortable and what has not.
• Always protect yourself: not only to avoid pregnancy in the case of heterosexual couples, but also to protect yourself from STDs.
• Do not get emotionally involved: in this type of practice, there are no emotional ties with people outside the couple: it is just sex. If you want a different kind of loving relationship, swinging is not the one for you.
• No repetition: to avoid emotional involvement, the ideal is not to repeat the exchange with the same partner or person on more than one occasion. What you want to avoid is the energy of the new relationship (ENR) , a cocktail of intense sensations and attachment that is experienced in a reciprocal way, at the beginning of a relationship that is in the creation phase.
• Always discreetly: what happens there, stays there, as in Las Vegas. A distinction is made between the horizontal sphere (the people you meet in that environment) and the vertical sphere (which is everyone out there). It is inappropriate to mix the two.
• Don’t just have swinging encounters: a couple’s sex life should not be limited to swinging, it is not compulsory, but you should discuss it with your partner.

🔗 There are swinging sites like OOPS in Barcelona, Okapi’s, Fulanitos and Naked Spa in Madrid, Lotus in Granada and OpenMinded in Valencia. Just search near you to find one.

🔗 There are also hotels and cruises and parties everywhere. Another option is to try Apps like 3Fun o JoyClub among others.

What about jealousy?

People in any kind of non-monogamous relationship are not born with the innate quality of not being jealous. It is a factor that needs to be worked on so that when you have a non-monogamous relationship, even if it is a sexual one, you have to deal with it.

Like any other kind of emotion, you can learn to deal with it. It is a complex emotion that everyone feels differently. It is common to feel a danger of what might happen in your bond or relationship with someone. Furthermore, it has nothing to do with the emotion of love, but neither can jealousy be considered “toxic”. Like other emotions, it has a function: it warns us that we don’t like something.

For many people, living sexuality more freely and fully can be a form of empowerment, self-knowledge and, ultimately, a source of happiness. Not everyone focuses on their sexuality in the same way; all experiences are valid.

📎 Urrutia, M. [Maurici]. (2024, 17 October). What are Swingers?. PsicoPop. https://www.psicopop.top/en/what-are-swingers/

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